Quick Reference Guide to Manipulation and Control

(Notes: SO - significant other, the person you wish to control -
any capitalized words in a sentence have their own definition elsewhere in the text)

Abuse (mental) :
this is the basis for the entire relationship, see all examples

Abuse (physical) :
there are four approaches to this -
1). anger them to the point of them striking you, this fosters guilt
2). strike them, but say they made you do it
3). anger them to the point they injure themselves, ex. make them so angry they punch a wall
4). best of all worlds - start the fight, but anger them to the point of defending themself, pretend you are injured more than you are and mention the injury repeatedly in the future, or hint about it, ex. "A girl at work has a twisted wrist and was talking about how much it hurts"

Achievements :
nothing they do ever works out right, if anything looks like it might, you should either get a part of it, so you can claim it was your idea or your help that made it work, or tell them to give it up for reasons like, 'it's coming between us', 'it's going to fail soon anyway, so why not get out now?', etc

Addictions :
yours - are their fault, they make you drink/do drugs/etc.
theirs - support their addictions, but hold them against them. pretend you are trying to help them get over them, ex. alcoholics - while trying to help them stop drinking, buy a 12 pack of beer, take a few out and bring home the rest, say "someone at work bought this beer and didn't want it, I couldn't see letting it go to waste so I brought it home." let them drink some, then criticize them for not having self-control.
if they had a major addiction when you met them, you know they are an addictive person. help them get over the addiction they have, but foster a new one.

Anxiety :
your SO will sometimes show anxiety. though they might not know the cause, people under others' control experience anxiety, fear, dread, sleeping/eating disorders, vague and specific physical ailments.
these things must be addressed quickly and attributed to someone else, a behavior you would like your SO to change, or a situation outside of the relationship before they can pin down the relationship as the cause. comfort them, reassure them and convince them you want to help them deal with it, while deflecting attention away from the relationship

Approval (Disapproval) :
these work with Encouragement and Compliments. once you have set what behaviors you will compliment and encourage, and what behaviors you do not like, your SO will strive to do things that meet your approval and will be awarded

Belittlement :
if your SO gets out of line, or if you are just bored, or mad at someone else, remember they are there for you, so you can take it out on them

Blame :
everything is their fault. you can also make things they've done that you disapprove of, the Enemies fault, meaning anyone you want out of the picture. you and your SO must watch this person.
if you are at fault, then 'no one is to blame', some things just happen

Compliments :
be sure to compliment them in front of others, the contradiction of what you say in private with what you say in public will confuse them. private compliments are good to give them something to 'live up to', once you have put them on a pedestal, you can knock them back off whenever you like just for your own amusement

Confession :
along with their Past (theirs), have them tell you what they are thinking/feeling. ask them often, and if they don't want to talk, use Exaggeration to guess what they may be thinking/feeling, or claim they are ignoring you. you have to keep a handle on what they are thinking. if they know they will have to 'share' most anything they think about, it lessens the chances of them considering the state of the relationship

Control :
state often there's no way you could control them, they're too headstrong, but make sure to point out others trying in even the simplest things, ex. your SO says "I have to call so-and-so, I said I would", counter that with "So-and-so controls you. they always make you call them. I don't know why you listen to them so much"

Deception :
never give them the full account of anything, lie whenever you want. contradict or retell stories differently to give them no sense of Truth

Destiny :
convince your SO you had a feeling about them since you first met them. you know they are 'the one'. it is fate that you be together forever. no two people were ever meant for each other as much as you two, it is destiny, and destiny can't be changed. you can fight against it, or try to ignore it, but you two will always end up together.
getting your SO to believe, or want to believe that, is the whole goal

Deviant Behavior :
should be encouraged, even if it was a 'experiment' in their past, if you can get them to explore that behavior, and reward them for it, you can make them believe they are an 'outsider' and they are lucky to be with another 'outsider' who understands (see Outsider)

Encouragement :
encouragement goes hand-in-hand with compliments. like a dog given a treat when they perform a trick, encourage and compliment the deeds you want your SO to continue

Enemy :
anyone who thinks you control, abuse, take advantage of, or don't care about your SO. anyone who stands up to you or questions your authority over your SO. these people are to be taken seriously, their concerns may be considered by your SO.
in most cases mocking them works, or telling your SO they simply 'don't understand', in other cases you must claim you are 'afraid' of them, and what they are trying to do to your SO and the relationship

Exaggeration :
positive - you two are always happy, there are a few 'rough spots', but there always are when two people are so much alike
negative - asking is whining, or begging. someone doing anything nice for them is someone trying to influence or control them

Faith :
religion used to be the easy-out for the male manipulator, just take some Bible verses out of context and the man rules over the woman, but with the growing numbers of female manipulators this method doesn't work. what to do? atheism!
a person without faith is easily manipulated. people want something to believe in. they can sense a Higher Power. removing any chance of divine intervention leaves a hole in your SO that you can step in and fill with curiousities that won't hinder your control over them.
there are numerous authors and resources you can use, even silly fake satanic groups will help alter their Perspective. don't worry about the motivations of your sources, just find them, use them - mock religious people as 'myth believers' and weak-minded (see Truth)

Family :
(see Perspective)

Friends :
(see Perspective) with the added note, if your SO finds someone they really like, who doesn't mistreat them, refer to this person as their 'friend' in a snide way and continually, this will change any ideas your SO has about this person to merely friendship at worse. once you have a handle on the situation you can bring the person to Enemy easily

Good Times :
be very careful when using this phrase to include times they might have had fun, rather than just the times you got your way

Guilt :
use guilt constantly, everything is their fault, from who they are, where they come from, people they've known, things they've done. nothing about them is worthy of you and your kindness and generosity

Identity :
once you have redefined Their Past, and convinced them they are an Outsider, they will be whoever you tell them they are

Intelligence :
they have none. if they are more educated in some areas, keep them in environments where you have more knowledge than they do, ex. if your SO has a good artistic sense, talk about business, and how frivolous art is

Keywords :
implant keywords in their minds to trigger things you have 'taught' them. ex. the words Friends, or Enemy will mean what you define it as to them; when you refer to anyone as either term they will think of them as others you have defined that way, and treat them as you have 'taught' them to treat them

Love :
love is tough, love is hard, it's full of sacrifices and hard times, but that's what makes it so wonderful.
if you didn't want to know where your SO was all the time, that would mean you didn't really love them, or care. if you didn't watch over their behavior, activities, diet, friends, hobbies, it would mean you didn't care. you are only looking out for them because you love them

Money :
if they have money, tell them how much happier you'd be if you just had such-and-such, if they don't offer to buy something you've hinted for act like you are bored with the relationship right after mentioning the item
if you have the money, buy them things, but make sure to remember everything you've bought them, bring the items up often. when you buy them a 'gift' later refer to it as 'yours', ex. "My tv"

Outsiders :
what you and your SO are, the world is against you, but you both are strong enough to fight together for the good of your relationship. reinforce who you both are with outsider clothes, reading material, friends

Past (theirs) :
redefine their past, what parts help you to control them should be emphasized, and times they were happy without being in your control should be gone over 'in a new light', changing what actually happened and even suggesting things that never happened. things that never happened can become part of their memory with Repetition

Past (yours) :
your past should have as much detail as necessary, but no more. if they had a rough past, you can either make up stories to show you relate to them, make your stories worse so they feel they should protect you, or tell them their hardship is how you found each other. you were meant to come into their life to help them and take care of them

Perspective :
changing the perspective is fairly easy and works well with Repetition, simply decide how things should be and profess that they are that way. (see Truth).
if they have a friend who helps keep them in line, lowers their self-esteem, or uses them, continually refer to them as your SO's 'best friend', in light of this type of 'Friend', you are the good guy.
if they have a friend who tries to help them in any way, or they show an interest in someone else, continually refer to that person to be an 'Enemy', someone who wants to 'come between' you.

Problems :
your problems are their problems. if you drink, get them drinking, if you do drugs, get them doing drugs, if you like dressing as fairy tale characters, get them to dress as well. convince them this is just a part of them they never knew existed, something you share with them, but others 'might not understand'. the excitement of doing something 'naughty' will be enough to convince them they get off on it

Real :
you both are real people, anyone who doesn't understand your relationship isn't a 'real person' they are the sheltered, nice, sweet people that you 'real people' know will someday find out 'what life is really about'

Relationships :
relationships take work. when two people who were meant to be together find one another they have to work through the trouble and not decide to give up on something that's worth the struggle (see Love)

Repetition :
repeating the same idea will make it true, ex. "They don't really care about you", "I've always been here for you", "Every relationship has it's ups and downs, just like ours"

Rules :
make up rules for the relationship, change them often, contradict previous rules so they can't get an understanding of any rule basis

Sacrifice :
have them give all they can give for the good of the relationship. the two of you are worth it. if their job interfers, tell them it's harming them and persuade them to find another. have them give up friends and/or family that criticize the relationship. tell them the sacrifice is for the best, and make it seem noble or a 'new beginning' for the two of you

Shame :
promote any shameful behavior, make a game of it, have them strip for your friends, or theirs, as though it's all in fun, then take pictures and leave them around the house. they are your pet monkey and no trick you ask them to perform will openly shame them if you have given your approval

Struggle :
use this term to convince your SO that despite all the problems, you two should work together because you don't want to give up on them or your relationship, and they are a quitter if they don't want to fight for the relationship

Suspicion :
accuse them of anything they might do, say they've already done it

Time :
you must monopolize as much of their time as possible. claim to share any interests they have, that way you can keep an eye on them while letting them know they will never be far from your sight. place time limits on activities, ex. "You can watch TV for an hour", "You can go to the store, but be back in 20 minutes", this puts you in the parental or guardian position so they know to ask permission before doing anything on their own

Trust :
sometimes tell them you're glad you have someone like them you can trust, other times say you just don't know if you can trust them. if circumstance arise that makes them wonder whether they can trust you or not, explain the situation away, using Repetition as necessary

Truth :
convince them truth is fluid, it's whatever is accepted as truth. take quotes and ideas of others out of context to support this theory, or any theory you have. have them read information that backs you up and praise it's source. never let a truth stand on it's on.
if you hit them, truth isn't that you are abusing them, truth is that your relationship is so intense and hot things sometimes hit a boiling point. but that's what makes it so interesting. no one else has ever provoked your emotions like they do

Values :
unless your SO had the same value system as you when you met, you will have to redefine it. though the value system is set at an early age, mocking the values in others that are the same as those your SO holds will help discourage them from professing these values. if they were taught 'to achieve anything in life you must work', and you believe 'to get anything you must be smarter than the person who has it', simply point out a few 'working stiffs' and laugh about how much trouble they go to to get what you can easily get with a little talk. any values they hold can be tampered down in this manner. remember, they want your Approval, and will denounce even their strongest beliefs to get it

© J. Simon

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